Walkin’ the walk (part 2) March 10, 2011

I’ve been on a big health kick lately. I became WAY too lazy this winter and it has taken its toll on my body. Well no more! I’ve been exercising on a fairly regular basis for the last month and once again counting my calories (limiting myself to 1400-1600 a day).

Recently I added some app on Facebook that sends me a daily challenge meant to improve my overall health. Yesterday’s challenge was to lay back and relax every muscle one a time, starting with my toes and ending with my head; today’s is to list 5 traits I have that make me happy. I didn’t do yesterday’s because well…I was being lazy. Despite having nothing else to do, I didn’t make time to consciously relax for a few minutes. Well, that’s going to change.

Over the next 30 days, I’m going to:

1. Complete the daily health challenge.

2. Work out for at least 30 minutes 6 days a week.

3. Drink at least 8 glasses of water every day.

4. Not weigh myself (I’m done with tracking my progress based only on what the scale tells me).

5. Smile at at least one stranger every day.

I hope you’ll check back on a daily basis to see how things progress. I’ve never really stuck with something like this before, but there’s a first time for everything!

A review of Amish fiction March 1, 2011

Seek Me with all your Heart is the first book I’ve ever read about Amish characters but I must say I was pleasantly surprised. I found italicizing the Pennsylvanian Dutch word to be a bit off-putting, but nevertheless found it to be a very quick and enjoyable read. The book begins by introducing us to Emily, an Amish girl who has what she deems to be a terrible secret so awful, she’ll never marry. We also quickly meet David, a man with a secret of his own that also leads him to believe marriage will never happen. The stories of the other characters, mostly family members of David and Emily, are great but it’s the way David and Emily’s stories intertwine that really draws the reader in. It’s a story of pure love, perfect for those of any age. This was the sort of book that read so fast and was so entertaining, I was almost sad to see the book draw to a close; I must say, though, that I definitely look forward to the next!

Overcoming rejection is easier than one might think… February 16, 2011

  I recently finished Left at the Altar by Kimberly Kennedy and wow, what a fantastic (and easy) read. Monday was Valentine’s Day and yet again I was single; I’ve never celebrated a Valentine’s Day before. This book inspired me, though, to celebrate this year in the best way possible – by celebrating the love I have for myself! As Ms. Kennedy explains, we all experience rejection at one time or another. She was literally left at the altar and really, how much more painful of a rejection can one experience? She does admit there were times along the way where she should have suspected it was coming—her fiancé wanting to push back the date, his hesitancy to propose at all, etc.—but that doesn’t make rejection any easier to bear. This book is incredibly relatable for both men and women as she writes about the rollercoaster that is heartbreak.

Ms. Kennedy shares with the readers how she felt immediately after being left by her fiancé and the steps she took to overcome her sorrow. My favorite part of the book was the snippets she included from various men about how they reject women and why. In a sort of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus fashion, she writes that we need to stop seeing dating as a “men vs. women” sort of thing and look at it as we’re all people, people who both reject and are rejected. Rich or poor, young or old, man or woman, rejection is hard, but reading this book can make it a bit easier to tolerate. Whether you’re suffering from a recent break-up, in a happy relationship, lonely, or joyously single, this book will show you that you’re never alone when it comes to facing the sting of heartache.

DISCLAIMER: I received Left at the Altar free from Thomas Nelson Publishers in return for a review of the book. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Snooooooow!! February 3, 2011

It’s beautiful outside, it really is. There have been so many people freakin’ out over this snowstorm, it should be interesting to see what happens come 12-21-12. Speaking of which, I just Googled that and found the “official” website. Yeah, I need to stay away from that. Conspiracy theories don’t sit well with me.

Anyway, back to the snowstorm – how could you not find the storm to be anything less than amazing? Don’t get me wrong, I’m about to go a little stir-crazy, but it’s fascinating to think just how many people were affected by this blizzard. I saw more people out in the parking lots yesterday helping each other than I even realized live in my complex! lol  And think of all the kids who will forever remember these past couple days and how much fun they surely had? I miss the Chicago forest preserves in the winter. One of my earliest memories is my grandpa teaching me to roll off the sled once I hit the bottom of the hill just in case I careened off into the Chicago river. I used to have a home movie of sledding with my grandparents, I should try and find that…

I also remember a couple actual snow days from my past – One was when I was in grade school. The school was open, but it took my mom an hour just to drive around the block; seeing as how the drive was normally 25 minutes anyway, we decided to just all stay in and call off. The better snow day memory is from my sophomore year of college. It was the first time (supposedly) that my college had ever canceled classes because of snow. My friends and I, being the young college students that we were, decided to make the most of this day…by drinking, of course. For whatever reason, we decided my Ford Focus would be the vehicle of choice to get said alcohol. Well as I said we were college students, so we didn’t exactly own shovels. Cafeteria trays, however, work wonders. It took seven of us girls about four hours, but we finally dug out my car and made it to the store. It was a great day/night and there were a lot of memories made. Being trapped inside for this snow storm hasn’t exactly been all that memorable, but there have been a few moments that have definitely stuck out.

I can’t believe it’s already February. Wow. Time really does fly when you’re having fun…and I am having the time of my life. You know it’s going to be a good day when you wake up smiling and today is definitely going to be a great day

“Weather is a great metaphor for life – sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, and there’s nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella.”
~Terri Guillemets

Be productive, b-e productive! January 24, 2011

“With Synchronicity, all the resources we need are made available to us at the precise moment that is appropriate. The people who come into our lives are the ones we need at that moment in time. Everything is perfect. We only need to recognize this to tune into the flow. Everything happens for a Reason and Every Experience is a Learning Experience.”- Alex Chua, author and life coach.

Once again, I find I have to brag about great life has been lately. Wednesday we had our annual volunteer fair through which we invite local nonprofits to discuss their volunteer needs with students, faculty, and staff. I wouldn’t say it was as successful as last year’s but we did set the bar kind of high and nevertheless I think it was still a great time – after all, even one person can make a world of difference, right?

Then on Friday we had a conference that took months to plan and coordinate and I could not be happier with how well it turned out. To be in a room of 50+ people who all care enough to spend an entire day learning and discussing service is almost overwhelming; Friday was an incredibly inspirational day. It was also quite an empowering day as I started rehearsals for The Vagina Monologues. I’m so excited to finally be a part of them. I always regretted not auditioning for the ones in college, but I was too shy/busy/I don’t even know to ever go for it. I love the piece I’ve been given and I can’t wait to see how things turn out. The group of girls I’m doing this with are all fabulous women and thus far rehearsals have been so very fun, my abs almost always end up aching from all the laughing that goes on.

Speaking of aching abs, I’m back on track with my exercise/diet. This morning was definitely rough, though. Normally I just go about things with my own routine but I decided to mix it up and use one of my workout videos…ugh, talk about obnoxious. I’m all about smiling and being happy, but not at 5:30am!! Haha the instructor was definitely a bit too much for me. I quit the video halfway through and went back to doing my own thing, but there’s actually two perks to that – 1. I got plenty of both cardio and strength-training in. 2. I ended up working out for almost an hour rather than my normal thirty minutes. Now to just stick with my no-soda rule and I’ll be well on my way to being the best, healthiest me ever.

Lunch is done, time to get back to work! Then back to the good alma mater for the beginning of… “new member orientation”. Should be a good evening.

The busier, the better! January 11, 2011

I can’t believe how fast January is flying by, oh my goodness. Last week was hectic – both personally and professionally – but I loved it. I feel as though I’m doing a good job keeping with my new resolutions to become a better me.

In regards to work, it’s absolutely fantastic at the moment. We have our second annual volunteer fair on the 19th and our first service-learning conference on the 21st – both of which I couldn’t be more excited about. As I’ve said, I’ve been insanely busy, but I LOVE it. I’m so incredibly lucky to have a job I wake up excited to go to – and it’s not only because I’m passionate about what I do, but because I really do work with some of the best people who are also passionate about their jobs. Despite my personal life sometimes being quite the rollercoaster, I’ve always been blessed when it comes to my professional life – I’ve always been pointed down the right path and left with no hesitation, and for this I’m eternally grateful.

On a sidenote, I’m going to start reviewing books on this blog along with continuing to use it for personal reflection. I recently signed up with booksneeze.com and my first book is on its way! I’m excited considering I’ve now read through most of the books I own. You should be excited, too, because unless I fall crazy in love with the book, I’ll be giving them all away through this blog. So be on the lookout for my first review next week!

Happy Tuesday!

2011 – Off to a good start so far! January 4, 2011

“You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood.  However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it.”  – Ken Keyes, Jr.

2011 has been really good to me so far. I’ve once again been blessed and blatantly shown how simple changing can be – change your mindset, change yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s easy. Staying positive can often be a struggle and sometimes it’s tempting for anyone to just give up, be lazy, and say “I’d rather be depressed/numb.” As I said in my former post, Thursday was a really hard day for me. Almost everything inside me said “forget it!” When I got home from my friend’s, I curled up on my couch in my darking living room with depressing break-up country songs playing in the background and wanted nothing more than to wallow in self-pity…and then I started to pray. I don’t want to get into my beliefs or lack thereof on this blog, but praying as specifically as I did isn’t something I often do. I often offer small prayers of gratitude to the universe when things go my way as I believe in being grateful for even the smallest of things (i.e. making it to work safely). That afternoon, though, I prayed to regain the strength and peace I knew I had once again buried inside myself and forgotten about. I also prayed that my friend would find this same strength and peace. As I prayed, it hit me – stop feeling sorry for yourself and everything will work out.
So I did.

I forced myself to get off that couch, turn off that IPod, and get out of my apt. Despite wanting to cancel my plans for the evening, I made myself drive to the bank to get cash (having had my purse stolen, I was without a debit card and knew if I didn’t get cash at that point, I’d be without all weekend long). Once I got out of my apartment and into the public, I began to feel better. I still didn’t want to go out, but I wasn’t about to let my friends down…and I’m so glad I didn’t. While the night wasn’t as exciting as I’d originally hoped–sitting around watching friends get wasted in a nearly empty bar can sometimes get tiresome– but I had a good time.

The next day there was still that lingering voice that kept reminding me of my discombulated family situation, but it also brought to light the fact that I have amazing friends and sisters who would be there for me at the drop of a hat; blood doesn’t make family, love does. I knew I couldn’t start the New Year in a negative fashion so I didn’t.

In general I’m a fairly happy woman (with the exception of the holiday season…though last year was the last time it’ll be like that), but lately things have been going really well for me and I’m happier than I have been in a while. I had a holiday break filled with countless good times that I still can’t get over…like seriously, you should probably be jealous of how awesome my break was Now I’m back at work and couldn’t be more excited. Yesterday, though long, absolutely flew by and today is going by just as fast. Not everyone can say they have a job they love about – for that fact alone I’m incredibly grateful to God, the universe, whatever it is that’s blessed me with this extraordinary life I have.

There’s no doubt in my mind 2011 is going to be a remarkable year.

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.  You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president.  You realize that you control your own destiny.” – Albert Ellis

Walkin’ the walk! December 30, 2010

Today was rough…in a way. A friend of mine was feeling depressed so I went over to his house to talk. While talking to him about needing to just decide and make the effort to change, I realized I need to do the same. The holidays are never easy for me anymore, they do little more than remind me of how alone I am. New Years is especially hard on me and when I left my friend’s house today, I felt absolutely awful and couldn’t help but cry at the thought of tomorrow; for a moment, I wanted nothing more than to be numb. Who was I, though, to try and convince this man of the power he has to make himself happy when I’m not doing the same? I’ve decided – no more. No more feeling sorry for myself. No more letting other people make or break my days. No more ignoring the wonderful person that I am.

I once read a quote that I wish I could find in full but basically it talked of how every day is judgment day – if God (or whoever) didn’t have a purpose for you tomorrow, he wouldn’t give you today. I know darn good n’ well that I have value and a mission here on earth, I just seem to forget sometimes. My passion lies in helping others and making this world a stronger, better, more beautiful place. I can’t do that, though, if I’m sitting around feeling as though I’m not good enough or I don’t deserve good things.

Getting your heart broken is never easy to deal with. I had thought with my ex from college that my heart had been broken, but it doesn’t compare to what happened recently. I fell in love with a man who had too many issues of his own to deal with to handle a relationship like ours. Was it stupid? Maybe. Do I regret it? Never. As easy as it would be to just hate him, burn him from my heart, I won’t. I’m done taking the easy way out. I’m an incredibly strong woman and it’s time I reminded myself of that.

I’ve always believed that what’s meant to be, will be (especially in regards to relationships). So maybe we’ll run into each other again some day and reconnect. I won’t hold out for that, though. Starting at this very moment, I’m living my life for me and no one else. For whatever reason, I sometimes forget just how amazing my life is. I’m incredibly lucky in many aspects and need to start focusing on that rather than the few negatives that sometimes sneak up on me. How many people can recall at an instant ten different moments in the past month, or heck even in the past year, that will make them laugh out loud even when alone? I would hope quite a few, but I’m not so sure. People in general aren’t as happy inside as they portray on the outside. I’m lucky in that I know I can feel just as good on the inside as I seem on the outside. Despite the craziness of today, I feel surprisingly good. I hadn’t realized that helping my friend would in fact help me at the same time. No longer will I just “fake it ’til I make it!” I am going to remain the strong, independent, happy woman I know I can be.

2011, I hope you’re ready for this

Goodbye, 2010, it’s been fun… December 29, 2010

Wow. It’s almost 2011. That’s just…crazy. This past year has been one of the best ever. Albeit, the crappy parts were definitely pretty bad, but the innumerable great moments I’ve had more than make up for ‘em. In a big way, I’m actually really grateful for the bad moments because I don’t think I would have recognized all the great moments without them. I didn’t hit my goal weight yet, but I am smaller than I’ve been since grade school. I had my heart broken, but proved to myself I’m capable of surviving it with a smile on my face. My dad won’t speak to me, but my grandpa is back in my mom’s life (and I wouldn’t trade that for anything). I’ve lost touch with some good friends, but I’ve made a lot new great ones. With as much as I hate this time of year, I’m still a lot more happy than I am sad. I may not be as blessed as some people, but it could be worse, it could be sooo much worse. This year has in fact been pretty great.

Having had a boyfriend all throughout college kept my partying-ways from becoming too extreme. Now, being 23 and single, I’ve had a crash course in the ways of the bars. At first, it was a lot of fun getting to know new people and being hit on by random guys. However, it’s just…I guess it’s just become too much. Between having a week off for Thanksgiving and 2 weeks off for Christmas, I’ve gone out enough recently to know more bartenders by name than I’ll ever admit. My one good friend in town is a year younger than me so I can understand her drive to still want to party every other night, she just graduated college 6 months ago after all. I only hope she’ll understand my wanting to cut severely back on the going out.

Speaking of New Years, though, here are my resolutions:

1. Get my butt into shape!!! Such a typical resolution, right? Well I’m definitely going to be one of those people who sticks with it. In fact, I’m starting on it TODAY with an hour strength-training session this evening. No more feeling gross when I see myself in the mirror. This should also help me stay away from the bars – can’t exactly get into shape when you’re downing 1500 calories just from beer!

2. Say goodbye to those in my life who don’t actually care about me. It may seem a bit…hmm, well I’m not sure what it seems like, but basically I’m too nice of a person; I let people get away with a lot, I forgive too easily, and I usually bury the hurt other people sometimes cause me rather than addressing it or just letting it go. That’s not to say I want to become a b*tch, but I definitely need to adapt more of an “I don’t give a…” attitude. I’m way, waaaaaay too empathetic. I sometimes let those around me direct my mood and that’s never okay. I have to start looking out for myself more if I’m ever going to be strong enough to continue looking out for others.

3. Get over the “I hate cooking for one” idea and start making myself REAL dinners at least three times a week – no more frozen dishes!

4. Allow myself to date around more. I have a really bad habit of going out on a few dates with a guy and then, despite not actually deciding yet to be monogamous, shutting down all other prospects. I haven’t been someone’s girlfriend in well over a year and a half now. I’ve gone out with…well, a lot of guys over the past 20 months and seeing as how I’m the only common factor there, clearly I’m single mostly due to intrapersonal causes. I remember when my ex and I broke up, I’d never felt stronger or better about myself (despite the fact that I was obese and unemployed). I’ll never forget the first guy I dated after my ex and how gung-ho I was about staying single; I’m fairly certain karma is still kicking my a** for hurting him like I did. Again, though, I can’t blame karma – it’s simply that I’ve lost my comfort in being (and my desire to be) single. Desperation, no matter how well hid, is never a pleasant scent. Well, that changes today. I have a date to a friend’s birthday party tomorrow night and then a date with a different guy on Sunday to watch football. I’m not going to get my hopes up about either. In fact, I refuse to even consider the thought of entering into a relationship until March 1st, no matter how great a guy might come along. The next two months are going to be about me.

5. Cross at least 5 items off my bucket list – I’m thinking skydiving, seeing to it that my grandma’s ashes are finally spread, hit my goal weight, drive down “Bray Road”, and have a mud fight.

2011 is going to be the best year of my life thus far – I just know it. Happy New Year, everyone!!

Jumping Around December 14, 2010

I have a “secret” site that I blog on on a regular basis, but I decided I might as well update this one as I know a few people actually read it from time to time. Life has been wonderful lately. It’s really crazy to think it’s been 10 months since I last used this website…wow. Nothing has dramatically changed since then, though I would say I’m even happier than I was – I’m fortunate in that I feel as though my life is consistently improving. I absolutely love my job and despite my better judgement, I have my hopes up that maybe my host site will make my position a permanent one. Despite the low pay and challenges that come with living in poverty, I’d never regret enlisting. I’m gaining experience I wouldn’t have the chance to otherwise, especially at my young age. I’ve been on three different news stations for various events I’ve coordinated and have been in the newspaper numerous times. I’ve written a 30-page faculty resource guide on service-learning that is now used at five different campuses. I’ve received e-mails from people who have found me on Google regarding the successful volunteer fairs I plan. Despite not having any grant writing experience or training, I wrote a proposal that was accepted by the American Association of Community Colleges and am now planning our first service-learning conference for January. I was listed in the Association for the Promotion of Campus Activities national journal for my idea on increasing student involvement in the area of civic engagement; Dave Kelly, a nationally-known speaker on student leadership, actually spoke about my idea at a national conference in front of thousands of people. I feel as though I have more work to do as each day passes, but I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Outside of work, life is more or less the same as it was ten months ago. Hannah and I have had lots of AMAZING times lately. We’re both so spontaneous and random that every time we hang out, we create memories that constantly make me LOL for days (or even weeks) afterward. I never thought her and I would become such close friends but really…it was meant to be. haha

My love life is pretty much the same as always, but I feel really good about it (though it is the reason for my ‘”secret” blog – I like my privacy but sometimes a girl’s just gotta vent!) Recently I had an ex’s new girlfriend message me some pretty nasty, crazy things on FB for no reason – it made me realize I have no time/energy/room for that kind of drama in my life. For the moment, I truly (finally) feel settled in my life. I’m actually really looking forward to going home tonight, cooking myself dinner, playing some GH, and just vegging out for the night. On Thursday I went to Chicago and due to awful weather, I didn’t make it back to Springfield until late yesterday afternoon. Then I ended up going out to this cute little italian place down the street for dinner and having a few beers with a friend. Needless to say, I haven’t had a quiet, relaxing evening on my own in quite some time – I’m not complaining, I love that my life has been so busy and fulfilling lately, but a chill night, complete with a full 8 hours of sleep, is definitely in the works.